All I Want for Christmas...

It's official. I'm a college graduate.

It's also official. I hate being sick.

I graduated from Biola University on December 19th, 2008 with a degree in English/writing, and a minor in Biblical Studies. After 3 1/2 years here I was really excited to finally be done with homework and papers and schedules and classes and everything.... now... well, I still am.

I'll miss walking from class to class, but I won't miss sitting in class. (Of course, there are exceptions, like Jesus' Life and Ministry - I'd sit in that class again)

I'll miss eating around the big round tables in the caf, but I won't miss trying to find a table with the 1,200 new freshman already occupying every breathing space.

I'll miss sitting next to the fountain where the sun always shines brighter reading for class, but I won't miss required reading when I can read for fun.

Part Two:

I hate being sick. I hate feeling like someone is stabbing me in the throat every time I swallow. I hate not being able to eat. Hah! I'm so hungry! 

I started feeling sick Sunday after church, which, all things considering, is a good thing since I wanted my family to go to my church so badly. I think they're going to go to the Christmas Eve service today too - the 12:30 pm service of course, with the free In-N-Out... that's the way my church does it! Haha! 

I feel really bad that I'm sick because I haven't been able to entertain my family while we've been stuck down here. Our flight to Seattle got cancelled on Monday morning because of the blizzards we've been having up there. So our next chance out is Christmas Day... let's hope the the storms allow for us to come in. We, none of us, have any presents for each other so I guess it all works out. Besides, the only thing I want for Christmas is my health back - that would be awesome.

So they're all leaving to go to the Christmas Eve service and I'm sitting on the couch writing this blog drinking Clove Tea - my sister recommended it. 

That's my life up until now. Graduated. Sick. Everything great and everything bad rolled up into one. Lovely. 

Merry Christmas though!!! Well, almost.

Bah.

Finals.

Almost done.

Paper - finished.

Sacrificed: sleep.

Only two hours last night.

Need coffee.

Done.

Twilight as Emotional Porn and Other arguments Against the Series

I have so many thoughts on this.

First, let's start with a basic definition of what pornography is and what it does. It is, as I have come to define more metaphysically than explicitly, an "idolatry of a perversion of reality" and it makes those addicted to it dissatisfied with real life. If you disagree with this idea please let me know, because I'm open to understanding and incorporating other viewpoints on the matter. This is porn in general terms. But now we must come to an idea of "emotional" porn. Immediately, upon incorporation of this emotional aspect, the thing itself becomes inherently subjective. Let me explain.

One's emotional drive and make-up is dependent on numerous other characteristics of a person: one's own sense of their identity, character: morals and values, as well as their childhood experiences that shaped them, and in a sense, some aspect of genetic nature. I believe what weighs most heavily in this issue of "emotional porn" is self-esteem and identity. Where you start on the "dissatisfaction with life" spectrum before you are exposed to an alternative reality determines, to a large degree, how it will affect you.

Now, for my own release, I will speak my indignant mind. In light of this last paragraph please allow me the intelligence and confidence in my own identity that I possess to speak for itself. You who know me, know me to be a logically-minded individual with strong character and contentment in the reality that God has provided - who just so happens to like Twilight. Does this last clause really cause such a detrimental fault to my intelligence as your rolling eyes (not directed at everyone, but those who have recieved my declaration with such) suggest? If so, I'm sorry you think so little of me. If you are hesitating in answering that last question, good - I've made you pause long enough to introduce some food for thought.

I will agree with you that emotional porn is a very real issue that girls face today. I say girls, because we are the ones who are being implicated in this debate - though there is a danger for guys as well. I will also agree that Twilight can be a part of this issue. But I want to make it very clear that the inclusion of anything to this category of emotional porn is based on individual experience and varies, however slightly or exponentially, from person to person. I would like to state, though, that, in as much as this perversive reality looks closer and closer like reality itself, one is all the more decieved and less likely to see the deception. Clearly there are worse things for girls' sensibilities than a vampire novel.

I also want to point out that, if a concept of an ideal is created which presents trusting relationships and faithful dependence within that relationship, without creating that dissatisfaction with life, yet replaces the meaningless dependency and distrust that is all some girls expect in life - I'm for it. Of course this is hinged on her own identity that will ensure the balance of these - I don't want you to think I'm straying from my earlier stipulation.

Okay, there are some arguments I have heard that I would like to discuss.
"Stephanie Meyer uses the thesaurus button way too much."
First and foremost, I never claimed she was an excellent writer. I never demanded her canonical inclusion. So, if your sole reason for loathing the Twilight series is her style of writing, your argument is purely subjective, based on your personal literary taste so I would ask you to stop trying to force your disapproving glare to dissuade my love of the novels.

"I can't value a book that was written for 14 year-old girls."
Well, if this is because of your insecurities as a man - then that's your problem. (I say this because I heard this argument from a guy). Harry Potter was written for the same age level - does your adult sensibility get offended here? Dickens wrote his novels entirely for monetary conpensation - does this offend your Romantic sensiblities? Also, if your interpretation and view of the content of the Twilight series is conceptually limited to your predisposed opinion of it as a book meant for 14 year-old girls, then you are apt to miss a deeper understanding of the difficult issues dealt with within the book such as the complexity of moral dilemmas, sacrificial love, faithfulness and trust within relationships - to name a few.

I guess I've gone on for quite a long time now. I'll stop, though I could go on. These are just some things that I've been wanting to articulte for a while. So now, when I mention Twilight, please have more to your argument than a smirk and a rolling of your eyes.

To Grandma

I wrote this on the 25th after my mom had called the night before, letting me know that Grandma might not make it through the night. Later on Tuesday my dad called to suggest I call her and say goodbye. They put the phone next to her ear, I'm not sure if she heard, but I got to tell her I loved her. My grandma passed away on the 27th, Thanksgiving morning. She's in heaven now and I'm thankful.

Memories, Thoughts - Scrambled.

Will I mourn? She will be whole.
Swimming with the jellyfish -
Wishing I was with her now.
I can't separate myself from the want to wipe her brow,
hold her hand and stand next to her bed.
Nights spent at her house
Falling asleep, her stroking my head.

Sparkle shirts, trips alone -
I got to have them to my own.
But then he left and she was left
but so much left to give.
Will she die, yet while I live?
How much longer - this world in pain
I hear her calling out my name,
the same greeting she gave as I jumped into her arms -
So young, now not so young, but still I long to be that young
to have that jump again.

I refused the spinach but accepted tea
My sisters, crimped, standing there next to me.
(Three states spread apart, still connected at the heart)
She had that couch,
the orange-colored sort -
yet couch it was not but grandma's "davenport."
(Wait, she plays tennis) I didn't understand,
but now I'm older, I've grown older
while she held onto my hand.

She taught me, brought me to school and now
I can't be with her in the end.
Please forgive me - I love you so -
can you hear that - know it when you go.
It's better there, she always knew that.
She'll stand there smiling and waving back.
Hand in hand with Grandpa too -
Grandma - I love you.