5 Months and Counting...

It's been a roller-coaster, for sure.

And now I need advice. I've realized, after teaching English as a second language for the last 5 months, that I don't like teaching English as a second language. At least under the specific conditions as I have been, i.e. to younger children and with a pretty set teaching structure. Question is: where do I go from here?

I know I've still got quite a while to consider another country, a new place, and new life, or remaining where I am, but time seems to go by quicker than that and I have absolutely no clue what life will look like 7 months from now.

Cambodia? Working with a missions organization there? An adoption agency? Teaching - if God desires that of me again?

America? Grad school - my Masters in Teaching, hoping that teaching English as a literature will be way better than as language (a 'hoping' that costs a lot of money and two years)? Some other form of school?

Korea? Could I do another year here? Maybe with an international school, teaching drama, or English lit? Is that even possible without a TESOL certificate? Do I get my TESOL?

Overseas? Grad school - some unknown major that would be beneficial to a future career and well worth the money? Teaching again? Torchbearer's Bible School?

Any opinions, suggestions, ideas?

Thailand and Cambodia

Sorry it's so long. Shut up, Kel.

December 25-26

So we were supposed to arrive in Bangkok at 2 pm. By we, I mean Katie, Tay and I. Well, we did. But I have to say that this is the only part of our Christmas Day trek that turned out the way it was supposed it. We then took a bus to the Eastern Bus Terminal that took 45 minutues. Wrong. Supposed to. Ours took us 2 hours. No worries, we'll just catch our bus to Rayong to meet up with some friends for the night. Bus leaves at 6. Perfect, it's 6:05.

Since Rayong wasn't really an option any more we decided to head down to Trat for the night before catching the ferry to Koh Chang where Kelly and Charissa were waiting for us. 5 hour bus ride later. Arrive at the creepiest bus terminal in all of Thailand. I'm not making this up... the stranger we made friends with told us so. But he also told us of Jane's Place where we could spend the night. So, after being dropped at JAME PLACE (close enough right?), we decide that we should just sleep our troubles away. No door. Pretty sleepless night.

We awake to realize that the world actually doesn't have a personal vendetta against us. We had a door all along. It was just hiding. With a cockroach in the toilet and a dollar fruit smoothie to send us on our way we headed to Koh Chang. And we were there... minus the 2 hour wait about 10 minutes from our resort, as we had to wait at the second ferry landing for more taxi passengers. Then we were there. Finally.

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December 26-31

2 scooter rides around the island.

5 dinners on the beach.

7 fire dancers in love with Jana.
2 nights dancing at an empty club.

5 new friends. The best.

1 whole day snorkeling, 4 different islands, 2 South African friends, 0 anenome attacks.

2 hours on the back of Milo the 9 year old elephant.

3 times I was afraid Milo was going to drown me during our swim.

4 roti desserts. So good.

50 helpings of pineapple for breakfast with Dr. David.

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December 31-1

Cambodia

I will never be the same
So broken, yet so hopeful

I'll be back

To love in any capacity

I can't wait

I spent the first part of New Years Eve dancing around a table with the Cambodian people, falling in love with the sweetest 2 year old who ran into my arms, eating vegetables, and realizing that I never want to leave.

The second part of New Years was a little crazier. Meeting Katie, Tay, Chris and Jordan at Pub Street, which was so full you could hardly walk through it. More dancing, more eating. Lots of laughing. We came back about ten minutes before midnight but I wanted to go back out because Katie, Chris and Tay had stayed out. Maurie, Simone, and some other people were heading to cara-kay (which after some discussion I realized to be karaoke), so Jordan and I had them drop us off at Pub Street again. Proceed to shout Happy New Years with everyone, and not find our friends. Oh well, Jordan goes home and I hop on the back of a taxi-scooter. Side-saddle of course because that's how ladies ride.

I arrive back at Ta Som Guesthouse only to just meet Katie, Tay and Chris coming to meet us. Perfect. Back to Pub Street for some 3 hours of dancing. So fun! (which also happens to be the name of one of our guesthouse friends - Sofun).

Hop in a Tuk tuk on the way home. Easy enough right? Apparently I shouldn't trust people as much as I do. Whoops. Scared my mom with this story. Let's just say I made it home after some persuasion. "I'm a very strong-willed girl."

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January 1

After 1 hour of sleep, and a very cold tuk tuk ride to Angkor Wat, we are there finally watching the sun come up over the temple. The best start to a new year if you ask me. Hard to beat the entire day actually. 13 hours later, after exploring ruins, swinging on vines, getting lost on the TOP of a temple, talking with the Cambodian children, lots of pineapple, and singing the Indiana Jones theme song who knows how many times - on the top of the hill watching the sunset over miles and miles of Cambodian beauty.

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January 2-3

Head back to Bangkok. Exploring, finding Chinatown, sitting in the street, eating amazing food, having great conversations.

Stay up all night in the airport - "this is the worst idea ever." Too cold to sleep inside. Sleep on the pavement outisde. Hop on the plane back to snowing Korea.

So much change in 10 days.

God IS Love

I'm reading this book called "Incomparable: Exploring the Character of God." There have been so many things that God has revealed to me about Himself, me, and my relationship with Him over the last 4 months in Korea. But the most prevalent thing He has been pressing on me is the truth of His overwhelming love. How I can feel Him loving me through others. How I'm able to love others better because He loves me.

The chapter "God is Love" was just so good that I wanted to put a big chunk of it up here. Here goes.

"... Come to a cowshed in the Middle East in 4 BC. Love is not a fuzzy feeling, but a self-giving commitment that results in action... It involved sending the Son, from his position in heavenly glory and sinless perfection, to earth, to become flesh. ... It involved the Son laying aside his majesty and becoming an infant who fell over and vomited and soiled his nappy and grazed his knees. It involved walking a mile in our shoes, facing temptation of all kinds, misunderstanding, bereavement and rejection. 'In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.'

Now come with me about ten miles north of there, to a rubbish dump outside Jerusalem, 33 years later. Much has changed. The infant, the most powerful symbol of the love of God that could ever have been given, has grown up into a man, but a man no longer physically recognisable because of the welts on his face and the ripped flesh across his chest and back. The sky above him no longer has bright stars in the night, but dark clouds in the day. The two people next to him are not loving parents, but common criminals; the crowds have changed from saying 'Hosanna in the highest' to 'His blood be upon us and our children'. His earthly father has died. His closest friends have abandoned, denied or betrayed him. His enemies have mocked and humiliated him. The government has stripped, tortured and crucified him. And the wrath of God at all our lies and lusts and pride and envy and greed is being poured out on him, breaking utterly the fellowship with the Father and the Spirit which he has experienced and exulted in since before the foundation of the world.

If that doesn't explain to you what the love of God is, come closer to the cross, and listen to what Jesus is saying. The only one who matters is thinking of his mother, his friend, and even the criminal next to him. The God who created water is asking for a drink. The God-man whose presence had never borne any sin is crying out in anguish at being forsaken by his Father. The man with nails through his wrists and feet, his lungs slowly filling with his own blood, is crying out, 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.' Astoundingly , the one who decided to allow man to make his own choices, is now fully experiencing their consequences, is shouting triumphantly that those consequences have been dealt with, finished - a victory cry which still resounds across history, affirming once and for all that the love of God is a love of both power and passion, both perfection and propitiation."

Oh, how He loves us so.

Ballad of an Almost Christmas

As it is finally the week of Christmas I want to take this time to say... it doesn't seem like Christmas at all. Don't get me wrong, I've had a great December - God has blessed me so much with friends and love. What I miss though, is family.

I miss my sisters. I miss our crazy Christmas skit tradition.

Every year, we would wake up our parents and tell them to come out to the living room in 5 min. Then we would get in our places. Guess which one I was:

1. a. Mary, b. Joseph, and c. a wiseman

2. a. Santa, b. his elf, and c. the reindeer

3. a. 1st present, b. 2nd present, c. 3rd present that had to wrap itself after wrapping 1st and 2nd.

If you guess c for all, you were right! Congratulations. You got a look into my childhood.

I miss my parents. I miss the perfect gifts they would give. Even last year when we didn't get home til Christmas night from being snowed out of Seattle, my mom had a book by J.M. Barrie and my dad had a book by George MacDonald. Perfect.

I miss the house. The Christmas village on top of the piano, the REAL Christmas tree (though I guess right now I'd take a fake one with all our ornaments). The different ornaments mom got us every year, so we have a collection all our own. The Christmas music playing constantly from the moment I got up til I layed my head down, throughout the month of December. Watching movies every night (Muppet Christmas Carol, White Christmas, The Santa Clause, Jingle All the Way, It's a Wonderful Life). A Christmas puzzle a day... at least it seemed like.

Of Decembers, I've had the best. But I miss Christmas.

I Tried...

I really did.

But something snapped tonight and I couldn't wait. I lit'rally couldn't stop my fingers from typing those little white keys on my Mac in the iTunes search tab - "Hotel Cafe".

Wait, what, you ask? Yes, yes I said Hotel Cafe.

Last winter Hotel Cafe, a small and amazing venue in Hollywood, released a Christmas album comprised of such great voices as Brandi Carlile, Ingrid Michaelson, Colbie Caillat, Fiona Apple, and more. But, alas, I did not obtain said album until March of this last year and that was way too early to begin the Christmas music. I distracted myself well enough since then, yet this album was always in the back of my mind (and my iTunes) waiting to be played.

Tonight, it happened.

I came home. Lit some candles. Put on a pot of English Breakfast tea. Which is all fine. This has been done before and the temptation has been resisted, if yet begrudgingly. But not tonight. Tonight there were twinkle lights. They had to be hung up.

One can't very well have all of this Christmas feel and NOT have the music. I mean, it would've been wrong. How wrong? Well, more wrong than listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving, I would think. And did think. Thought.

Because I did it. I listened to Christmas music before Thanksgiving. So sue me. Wow, haven't used that phrase in a while. Fitting.

Some Thinking

"As the days keep turning into nights, and even breathing feels alright..."

Philippians 4:12 - I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

We started a Bible study Thursday morns at beloved Kim's house, and we're going through Philippians.

I love Philippians. I love that in my Bible there is a note that says content can also mean self-sufficient. Of course, not a self that is independent of God. It's one that is fully dependent on Him; complete in that dependence and content in it. Needs nothing else. Self-sufficient.

It's really not that hard to know this contentment in Korea though. I would say God has given me more than plenty. I'm full. A deep fullness that almost hurts at how close and real it is.

1 Corinthians 13:12 - Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

I feel known here. So close and so real.

So Much...

"How is Korea?"

I can answer this very simply - "amazing." But any way I answer will never convey how completely blessed I am to be over here. Even if I were able to explain it, it wouldn't do my life here justice. I can't convey that much understanding in one simple answer. How do I explain the peace I feel? The gratitude and freedom? The love I feel? So much love.

Here's how I'll start.

Whitney: Mama Hen. She takes care of us. She has such an open and welcoming heart and personality. She's Canadian. I feel safe and happy around her. Effortless calming presence. Great spooner.

Charissa: I am amazed and jealous of her sense of adventure. I can always count on her to remember any minute detail of our friendship - and there are many. We quote movies, books, and TV shows. She is legen - wait for it - dary.

Tayla: There is so much life in her. I love her humor - she can always make me laugh. She is so direct and open. Most quoted person of our group, I would say. "Lovin you!"

Kelsey: I can't get over how much she loves people. Loves talking to them, and really getting to know them. And we lived on a sailboat together - oh yes.


Kelly: She has such a huge heart. And it was open immediately to all of us. She loves with her whole self, and has such a determined and passionate faith. I trust her scootering abilities completely.

Anna: "I love your hair." Serious statement. She is wise and caring. I look up to her for both these qualities. She is so talented - I could listen to her sing and play the uke for hours "... and teach them how to dance..."

Katie: Full of joy. It overflows from her into all the rest of us. I love being around her, and I love how motivated she is. I respect her determination. If I ever feel like swing dancing, I know who to call.

So how do I answer the question: "How is Korea?" Can I answer it with a grammatically incorrect answer? Shhh... don't tell my students.

"So much Amazing."